When the butterflies fly away
by f a l l i n g into warblerland
Summary: She wears a smile to school like it's some sort of fashion accessory and she's trying to make a statement./ / Angst, implied character death. CATCENTRIC.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey there, this is my first attempt at angst and its really bad, but I have to say, Cat is definitely the easiest to write angst for... so yeah, i hope you enjoy it! this isn't a oneshot, its short, and its basically going to go _backwards _in time, like, the next chapter will be about her dad, the one after about the guy trouble in her life (a boyfriend, how she feels about Beck, beck and jade...) and the one after that about her mom, so like, its gonna probably be a four shot, and maybe one after that about how happy she was before everything. then _maybe, _emphasis on the _MAYBE, _a Bade-turned-Bat one about how Beck feels, and what happens when he knows its too late. **

**I hope you like it lots, please review :}**

**lovelovelovelovelove.**

**Disclaimer: i don't own victorious or perfect by p!nk :) x**

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><p><em>She wears a smile to school like it's some sort of fashion accessory and she's trying to make a statement.<em>

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><p>But in reality, her mom is <em>dead<em> and her dad is in a _coma_, and he cheated on her regardless thinking it would be fine.

_(Oh, how incredibly wrong he was)_

She actually feels quite lonely.

Sure she's got this whole other group of friends who she spends all her time at school and they love her, but sometimes she irritates them on purpose hoping they'll get tired and leave but they never do and she's actually kind of glad, even when she goes all out get the opposite of what she needs and quite literally _gets the opposite__._

So maybe she's bringing half this loneliness on herself, maybe it's her fault more than anything, maybe she likes it that way.

Now everything is falling apart and she really doesn't know what to do, she's worried that she will stop being able to pull off her ditzy façade and lash out at their friends when one of them makes a sick joke about someone being dead, close to dead, half dead, or in a coma.

She's convinced Rex Wants to hurt her, he makes sick jokes every day and it's only a matter of time before it's aimed at her. Then she'll lash out at Rex, but then she realises how stupid she is considering Rex is a puppet and lash out at Robbie instead, who she really _can't _bear to lose as a friend.

At school she always has a smile plastered on her face, and she still waves and says hi to mostly everyone in the hallways, and her and jade have taken to singing their little hearts out every Friday at karaoke dokie.

When she gets home she turns into this nervous wreck and cries at the smallest things and her and her brother just sit there and hold each other, hoping for some news to do with their dad but they never get any. Cat tries to seem strong for her brother, but she's worried god will take him too, but he says he's not going without a fight.

She is though, she wants to go in her sleep, and soon.

What happened to the days when Cat would be thinking about unicorns and puppies instead of wishing she could jump off the Hollywood sign.

She misses that.

Her friends seem to _know _she's not feeling herself, so they miss the old days too when Cat would buy something from the skystore even when they told her not to, and bring her new item in everyday, place it in front of her friends and attempt to 'wow' them.

So while thinking these dark thoughts, she gets up from her bed one night and walks to the bathroom like a zombie, picking up a pair of _really, really _sharp scissors and making deep cuts on her wrists, really wishing she hadn't watched the music video to _perfect by p!nk._

(It hurts at first, but once she gets over that it becomes her drug, she needs it to get through the day, and she absolutely _loves_ it.)

It was a joint effort between brother and Beck to introduce her to the butterfly project, they spent hours drawing designs of pretty flowers and butterflies up her arm in a hope she will stop cutting, it works too.

She'll giggle at the butterflies when she's feeling low, and she's extra careful in the shower and when washing her hands because they're just to pretty to kill.

But when the butterflies flew away, she picked up the razor and dragged it along the fresh, cut-less (butterfly-less) skin of her left arm, and she thinks it's pretty how the blood is almost the same shade of red as her hair as it spills down her arm and forces her eyes shut.

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><p>She can already hear the ambulances.<p>

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><p><strong>Hey again! <strong>

**Poor Cat... i think she just died... well i didn't say she did but i practically did, so i'm going to leave that up to you entirely! **

**please review :}**

**love, **

**~ amy**

**xoxoxox.**

**p.s, the little notes in the boxes are just really carry-on from the story :)**


	2. Chapter 2

Hey there, i realise its been a while, and i'm sorry, but this is the next chapter :)

Ok, wow, thanks for that flame type thing mr nobody, do you even know how to take a joke? when i saw that, i just laughed my head off. You really think that bothered me? If i didn't _want _to put the story up, i wouldn't have, but as a aspiring writer, i need reviews to know that i'm good enough to make it somewhere, next time, grow a pair and sign in. that is all.

on with the story :)

Disclaimer: sorry, i don't own anything :/

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><p>She's the girl whose smiles are now fake and the laughs are now a lie, you just gotta read between the lines.<p>

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><p>They get the call Thursday morning.<p>

("Hello, is this the Valentine residence?")

("Yes")

("I'm calling to inform you that Sergeant Dylan Valentine has been shot in the heart, he's in a coma")

She's not sure whether that was the point where her world fell apart or whether it really fell apart when her mother died, and she just pretended not to notice.

Well, whatever, she's completely aware of _everything _now.

On Friday some guy appears at her door, he's dressed up in some army uniform that her dad used to wear, and he comes in looking as somber as he can and informs them of how their father got shot and what they're supposed to do next.

Cat didn't catch much of it.

("Shot... Head... Wednesday... Coma... Hospital... Critical...")

It's all gibberish to her, so she pretends her dad is still fighting for the country and immortal, instead of being half brain-dead in a bed in some hospital somewhere, wearing some icky hospital gown hooked up to a million machines.

("life support...visiting... dying... Funeral... Doctors... Help...")

She watches the face of her brother as he listens to what the army man has to say, she then wonders if the man thinks she's listening.

That night, she lies in bed and ignores the fact her cell-phone is blowing up with her friends calling to wonder why Cat suddenly broke her perfect attendance record and didn't show up for school until she falls asleep. She later wakes up and it's 2 in the morning and a song by the plain White t's is blaring out, so it must be Beck because that's their favorite band. She wonders if it woke up her brother but he doesn't come through to her room so she pulls the phone up to her ear and mutters a small hello into it.

("Cat why weren't you at school today everyone was so worried")

("Beck why are you calling me at 2 in the morning?")

("I'm worried; I see your perfect attendance record isn't so perfect anymore, huh?") He's laughing now.

("Beck my dad was shot in the head") The laughing stops. Funny that

("Oh... Is he... Is he...?")

("Coma")

("Cat, I didn't know, I'm so sorry")

("It's fine; just don't tell anyone for now please, not even Jade")

("Ok")

("Thank you")

("Remember, I'm always here for you, everyone is, and I love you")

("I love you too") If only he knew she meant as more than just a friend.

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><p>Cat doesn't really know what to do with herself. She mopes around and pretends her dad is about to come back from Afghan with the biggest smile on his face at seeing his two children again, but it never happens, and her new best friend becomes a razor.<p>

After much thought, she decides to go to school on Monday, she wakes up and pulls on her happy façade, but it's not quite the same as it was, it's like happy with a hint of depressed and a pinch of suicidal. Her brother questions her motive of going to school, but she shrugs at him and neither says much else.

("Are you sure you want to go to school?")

("100 per cent sure")

("It's okay if you want to say home")

("I don't")

("Well okay then, look after yourself, don't get into any trouble")

She is bombarded with hugs and smiles from everyone except Beck, who looks at her with worried eyes and a frown, but he gives her the tightest hug she has ever received from anyone ever, even tighter than the ones her dad gives her before he leaves back to Afghan, her chest tightens at the thought that she might never get that again and she heaves a deep sigh before chatting on to her friends about how amazing her brother is.

Cat realizes that after being sad for 4 days, it makes her want to scream, and shout, maybe even sing a little, she's trapped up these feelings inside, some that really _shouldn't be_ kept inside for so long, and she worries that the result of this will cause her to lash out at her friends or her brother, but she hopes not.

She liked her lesson with Sikowitz that day, she had to pretend to be depressed, but the thing is, she wasn't actually pretending. She had to play a girl whose mother and father are both dead and she feels so alone, that she ends up lashing out at one of her friends like Cat is afraid to do, and the result is supposed to be _funny. _

_Go figure._

When she gets home she pretends to her brother that her day was totally amazing and her friends cheered her up when really they don't know, and she'd rather keep it that way. She doesn't eat that night, and sits in the bathroom and confides in her razor again.

She's _pretending _that her mom is out on another business trip, and is due to come back any day.

She's _pretending _that her dad is still being a hero with the other heroes, and soon going to walk through the front door like always.

She's _pretending _that her and Beck are something more than they actually are and he loves her even more then she loves him.

She's _pretending _that she actually needed to act to play that role earlier.

She's _pretending _that her friends made her have the best day of her life today.

She's _pretending _she doesn't even know _how _to cut, and that she'd never dream of it.

She's _pretending _that everything's okay.

That was when Cat realized her life has suddenly turned into one big, filthy lie.

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><p>Sometimes the happiest girls are in most need of a hug, you just gotta show them they're loved<p>

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><p><strong>i apologize to anyone who read the chapter before i re-edited it, i proof-read like 3 times, but my netbook fucked up bad, so sorry about that, i hope its better now, its quarter past 1 now, i read it on my phone and i realised how many mistakes there were, and how not all of it saved, so sorry :**

**i'm going to france tomorrow/later today (its not tomorrow untill i've fallen asleep) so i thought i'd give you this before i go, i'm coming back friday :) **

**lufff youuus:)**

**- amy :)**


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